THE MICROWAVE

After a string of devastating losses, a series of confused coaches who thought “football” meant soccer, and millions of poorly spent dollars which could have been used to grade my goddamn Math 32B homework, the UCLA Athletics Department has announced that the traditional crosstown rivalry against USC would be scrapped in favor of competing against the John Adams Middle School flag-football team.

Easter fell on 4/20 this year, creating a serious schedule conflict for Peter Cottontail. The Easter Bunny, high as a kite, munching a...

The country-singer-turned-earthquake-inducer continues to test the limits of the music industry: this time, testing how many times you...