Easter in November? Target Trashes Traditional Treats in Tail-Twistin' Triumph

The mega-corporation, desperate for new methods to turn a profit, appears to have gone... how else do I say it?... hoppin' mad.

Target CEO shows his Easter spirit on November 1st. Source: Trashcan Dave's Bunny Ear Co.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN. — Shortly after the hectic hours of Halloween came to a close, Target Corporation has made the decision to swap out its extensive collection of Christmas items for plastic eggs, chocolate bunnies, and prolific shreds of colorful paper.

That’s right: hippity, hoppity, Easter’s on its way!

With a mere five and a half months remaining until the highly anticipated holiday, it was deemed most profitable for the company to purge all traces of the cozy seasonal themes of peppermint, jolly old child stalkers, and breaking and entering from its stores. Instead, they will be ringing in the Easter season before Thanksgiving even gets a chance to squeak pathetically for attention.

“Well, since the Christmas season begins in June, you can really understand why this was a necessary move,” said Target spokesman K.P. Talist while adjusting his furry bunny ear headband. “Thanksgiving? Nah, no one cares about the Pilgrims. Valentine’s Day? Offends the singles. St. Paddy’s? Yeah, no, we still hate the Irish.”

At press time, Mr. Talist was preparing to ring in the new year by stocking Target stores nationwide with Fourth-of-July paraphernalia.